Living With A Serious Medical Condition
WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES OF LIVING WITH A SERIOUS MEDICAL CONDITION?
If you recently discover that you have a serious medical condition, you will undoubtedly be affected both emotionally and physically. Most people pass through some predictable stages after they discover that they have a serious medical condition such as cancer, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, or diabetes. The discoveries of others who have experienced such shocking news may help you cope with the news.
In her well-known work on the stages of grieving, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages that most people go through as they react to losing something important. These stages apply to almost any kind of loss, including the loss of one’s healthy lifestyle. Upon being told that you face serious medical issues and the loss of your good health, even temporarily, you can expect to experience the following five emotional stages:
- Shock and Denial. The first reaction to bad medical news is often the inability to feel anything—numbness or "not feeling yourself." You may also feel weak, overwhelmed, anxious, or withdrawn. You may also feel certain that the news will turn out to be incorrect.
- Anger. Blaming others for the development of the problem, being furious with yourself for waiting too long to see a doctor, or blaming the doctor for not acting quickly enough.
- Bargaining. It is not uncommon to think, "If you’ll just let me live, I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life" or "I’ll never smoke another cigarette if I can make this go away."
The first reaction to bad medical news is often the inability to feel anything—numbness or "not feeling yourself." You may also feel weak, overwhelmed, anxious, or withdrawn.
- Depression. It is normal to feel deep sadness. You may also have disturbed sleep and eating patterns, have thoughts of suicide, and cry excessively.
- Acceptance. At some point you will begin to look for the lessons of the experience.
Kübler-Ross states that the grieving process involves experiencing all five stages but not always occur in this order. She also states that people often cycle back and forth through the first four stages before coming to the stage of acceptance.
WHAT SKILLS WILL HELP ME COPE?
After the shock of your diagnosis has worn off, you will begin to look for ways to control your situation. There are many things you can do to help yourself cope.
- Educate yourself. You will be better able to make plans for your future if you know as much as possible about your medical condition. You will also eliminate many fears that are based on inaccurate information. Ask your doctor for books and web sites that will help you learn about your condition and how to cope with it.
- Get the best doctor. You are going to need to feel comfortable asking questions and getting answers. Look for a doctor who is board-certified to treat your specific condition. Make sure you are seeing a doctor who has the interpersonal skills to talk with you like a human being, not a disease.
- Make a list of questions to ask your doctor. It is important that you ask everything that is on your mind. Keep an ongoing list as time goes on and as your situation develops.
- Take care of your emotional health. A serious illness or medical condition takes a toll on your psyche. It is important that you locate a licensed mental health professional who can help you deal with the emotional aspects of your situation. Some mental health professionals specialize in working with clients who have specific physical disorders. If you need a referral, ask your doctor.
- Join a support group. There are support groups today for just about every situation and condition. Ask your doctor, hospital, or mental health counselor for a referral. You can also look on the Internet for groups that provide information and support for people with your condition. These groups, which may meet in person or on-line in chat groups, comprise people who face the same issues you and can offer emotional support and practical advice. They are also a place for you to candidly express your feelings and fears to people who understand what you are going through.
"There are support groups today for just about every situation and condition. These groups, which may meet in person or in chat groups on the Internet, offer emotional support and practical advice from people who are facing the same issues you are."
- Ask your family and friends for support. Depending on your situation, your condition may have a serious impact on the lives of those around you. They may need information and support as much as you. It is important to ask not only for their help and understanding but for their information and support for them. This will help them help you as you face the issues surrounding your medical condition.
WHERE CAN I GO FOR MORE INFORMATION?
Capossela, Cappy, and Warnock, Sheila. Share the Care: How to Organize a Group to Care for Someone Who Is Seriously Ill. New York: Fireside Books, 1995.
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying. New York: MacMillan, 1969.
Register, Cheri. The Chronic Illness Experience. Minneapolis: Hazelden Information and Educational Services, 1999.
Well, Susan Milstrey. A Delicate Balance: Living Successfully with Chronic Illness. New York: Perseus Books, 1998.