Dependency Issues
WHAT IS DEPENDENCY?
Dependency can range from having dependent behaviors to having an extreme need to be taken care of by another person. This need can become so strong that it results in submissive and clinging behavior. The dependent person may fear being alone or separated from specific people and has a strong need to please others.
People with dependency issues often exhibit some or all the following characteristics. These may be present in any degree, from mild to severe.
- Negative thoughts and feelings. Dependent people often have negative thoughts and feelings, such as fear, anxiety, anger, pessimism, hopelessness, and guilt.
- Impulse control problems. Dependent people often have difficulty controlling their behavior and may overindulge in eating, drinking, or spending money.
- Unreasonable beliefs. People who are extremely dependent on others often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. They may make tremendous demands on themselves while expecting others to provide extreme emotional support.
- Introversion and lack of support system. Many dependent people are socially withdrawn and nonassertive. They often become isolated from others and have no system of emotional support. The fact that dependent people are so demanding of others tends to make one reluctant to provide the support that they expect.
- Intolerance and inflexibility. Many people who are extremely dependent on others live in a world of few interests and limited variety. They may have difficulty dealing with change, and generally they don’t appreciate viewpoints different from their own.
- Excessive trust and generosity. Many dependent people lack the assertiveness skills and self-esteem they need to stand up to others. They are always looking for approval and tend to be very giving even when it is not in their own interest. They may be easily manipulated because they lack the ability to determine whom they should and should not trust.
- High achievement. Dependent people often place excessive demands on themselves and may become perfectionists and workaholics. They may limit their own social activities in favor of hard work and discipline.
WHAT IS DEPENDENCY?
- Needing lots of guidance, advice, and encouragement before making ordinary decisions.
- Expecting another person to take responsibility for the most important areas of one’s life.
- Finding it difficult to disagree with anyone for fear of disapproval or withdrawal of emotional support.
- Finding it difficult to start tasks or do things alone because of a lack of faith in one’s competence and ability.
- Constantly seeking to please others and always looking for reassurance and approval.
- Fearing being left alone because of the belief that one is unable to take care of oneself.
- When one relationship ends, immediately replacing it with another one.
- Many dependent people are socially withdrawn and nonassertive. They often become isolated from others and have no system of emotional support.
WHAT CAUSES DEPENDENCY?
People with dependent personality disorder (where the symptoms described here are excessive) often grew up in families that were overly protective and controlling. As children, many dependent people are encouraged to rely on authority figures for direction and approval. Upon reaching adulthood, they are unable to rely on their own beliefs and actions to function independently.
"As children, many dependent people are encouraged to rely on authority figures for direction and approval."
WHAT IS THE TREATMENT?
The treatment for dependency issues and dependent personality disorder may include the following:
- Short-term therapy. With the use of specific goals, short-term therapy is the recommended treatment for dependent people. The therapy should be time limited and goal-focused to prevent the client from developing a dependent relationship with the therapist.
- Assertiveness training. This training helps dependent people learn the skills needed to stand up for themselves and make decisions with greater confidence.
WHERE CAN I GO FOR MORE INFORMATION?
Branden, Nathaniel. The Six Pillars of Self- Esteem. New York: Bantam, 1994.
Briggs, Dorothy Corkville. Celebrate Your Self: Making Life Work for You. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1977.
Burns, David. Ten Days to Self-Esteem. New York: William Morrow, 1993.
Hammond, John, Keeney, Ralph, and Raiffa, Howard. Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 1998.