Listening Skills

 

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF DEVELOPING GOOD LISTENING SKILLS?

Listening skills help you show that you are hearing and understanding another person and interested in what he/she has to say. Developing strong listening skills is good for relationships because:

  • Making an effort to understand what someone is thinking and feeling creates good feelings in that person and makes you feel good about yourself.

  • Listening carefully and checking for understanding enhances communication and results in fewer misunderstandings.

  • In an emotional situation, using good listening skills has a calming effect and helps deescalate anger.

 

WHAT ARE THE KEY LISTENING SKILLS?

  • Open-ended questions

  • Summary statements

  • Neutral questions and phrases

  • Reflective statements

 

Listening skill 1: Asking open-ended questions:

What they are:

 

 

What they do:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Examples:

They begin with "What," "Why," "How do," or "Tell me." These questions cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". Their purpose is to encourage the other person to open up ad elaborate on a topic

  • They get the other person involved in your conversation by giving him/her a chance to tell what he/she thinks or knows.

  • They are useful when the other person is silent or reluctant to go into detail.

  • They help you deal with negative emotions, such as anger or fear. The reason is that they encourage the other person to vent feelings and get them out on the table.

 

  • How do you feel about what she said?
  • Tell me how you put away those books so quickly.
  • What do you think about the new plants in the garden?

Listening skill 2: Using summary statements:

What they are:

What they do:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Examples:

What they are A statement that summarizes the facts you gathered.

  • They help you focus on facts, not emotions.

  • They help the other person clarify his/her own thinking by hearing your summary.

  • They help eliminate confusion by focusing on the relevant facts.

  • They help you separate the important issues from the trivial.

  • They enhance the other person’s self-esteem by showing that you are listening carefully.

 

  • So, you’re saying you want to finish the book report before you go to dinner. Then you plan to start your chemistry assignment.

  • You’re saying that you tried your best, but it was beyond your control.

  • Listening skills help you show that you are hearing and understanding another person and interested in what he/she has to say.

 

Listening skill 3: Using neutral questions and phrases:

What they are:

 

What they do:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Examples:

What they are They get the other person to open up and elaborate on the topic you are discussing.

  • They are more focused than open-ended questions.

  • They help the other person understand what you are interested in hearing more about.

  • They benefit communication because they help you gain more information.

  • They demonstrate to the other person that you are interested and that you are listening.

 

  • Give me some more reasons why we should put this off until tomorrow.

  • Tell me more about why you want to buy the new car now rather than waiting until spring.

 

"Listening carefully and checking for understanding enhances communication and results in fewer misunderstandings."

 

Listening skill 4: Using reflective statements:

 

What they are:

 

 

 

 

 

What they do:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Examples:

 

 

 They involve restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. The most effective reflective statements have two components:

  • Naming the feeling that the other person is conveying

  • Stating the reason for the feeling

    •  

  • They help you check whether your understanding of a message is correct.

  • They enable you to demonstrate that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned.

  • They are not the same as agreements; rather, they are a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of view.

    •  

  • Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work.

  • You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem.

  • It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe’s homework.

  • Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy.

  • I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now.

    •  

    WHERE CAN I GO FOR MORE INFORMATION?

    Covey, Sean. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens: The Ultimate Teenage Success Guide. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1998.

    McGraw, Jay, and McGraw, Phillip. Life Strategies for Teens. New York: Fireside, 2000.

     

    SEE THESE HANDOUTS FOR RELATED TOPICS

    Assertive Communication

    Building People Skills

    Developing Your Personal Negotiation Skills

    Empathy

    Expressing Your Feelings Responsibly

    How to Be a Team Player

    How to Give Feedback

    Living a Responsible Life

    Managing Angry Feelings

    Principles of Positive Reinforcement

    Resolving Family Conflicts

    Click here for printable page