Resume Cover Letters and Employee Evaluations

• I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and speasheet progroms.
• Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
• Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
• Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
• Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
• It's best for employers that I don't work with people.
• You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
• I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
• Marital Status: single, unmarried, uninvolved, no commitments.
• I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
• I have become completely paranoid, trusting absolutely no one and absolutely nothing.
• My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I posses no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
• I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
• Personal Interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
• Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
• Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
• Marital Status: often. Children: various.
• Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
• The company made me a scapegoat, just like the three previous employers.
• Finished eighth in my class of ten.
• References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
• I would not allow this employee to breed.
• This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
• When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
• He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot